Originally I had a plan to attempt to answer the question “What Happens When you Die?” today. I’m pushing it to tomorrow in order to reply to a wonderful comment I received on a recent blog post.
“It probably takes the same amount of effort to be happy, as it is to be unhappy, but why are there so many of us who choose to plunge straight into unhappy thoughts than to attune our minds to happier ones?
Feelings of happiness and sadness are a passage of time, of experiences, of self-awareness. We often get caught up in these waves, but the most important thing is, we must know it is but a journey, and that it’ll pass before we ride the next wave again.”
This was in response to a post I wrote about choosing how you feel. I believe that I can choose to make myself happy at any moment. By taking the time to breathe, and asking myself the right questions I can quickly flip my mood on its head.
When I’m feeling down, I can ask myself “what can I learn from this?” to remind myself that there is tremendous value in moments of disappointment. Then I can ask, “what is great about this situation?” zooming out from the small thing I’m stressed about.
Most of the time, when I widen my perspective, the problems I do have actually show how good my life is. Feeling a bit stressed because I’ve got a lot of things I would love to do with my day is a good problem to have. It shows that I have found things that I am passionate about.
I believe that I can choose to feel happy, but I don’t believe that I can feel happy all the time.
Wanting to be happy all the time puts you in a position of judgement over the way you feel. When you notice that you aren’t feeling happy you will start to feel frustrated. You will be frustrated about not being happy, and if you realise that you’re frustrated you might become disappointed about feeling frustrated about feeling sad. This used to be me quite often. I would try to pretend that emotions didn’t exist, and as I result I would be stuck in loops like this.
Choosing to feel happy, or at least, grateful is something that happens once you start paying attention to the way you feel. Once you notice and accept that you don’t feel happy, that you actually feel sad or angry.
Choosing to fell happy in the long-run is often about choosing to feel sad in the short term. Noticing that you are feeling sad, and instead of trying to ignore it, or say “I’m good”, embracing that you’re sad, that there is nothing wrong with that, and then having empathy and curiosity towards yourself.
“We often get caught up in these waves, but the most important thing is, we must know it is but a journey, and that it’ll pass before we ride the next wave again.”
You get caught up in the waves when you try and pretend that there are no waves. The first step to going anywhere is accepting where you are at. Because when you notice that you are feeling low, you have a landmark to notice when you are feeling high. You cannot be happy all the time because in many ways happiness is defined by sadness.
“Sadness is nothing more than the cost to be able to smile once and a while – Shane Koyczan
It’s a long reply to say that I couldn’t agree more. Remembering that it is a journey is the most important thing. Remembering that the low points help you define the high points. That sadness can sometimes be comforting. It can show you what you are overlooking in your life, and move you to a better place.
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