“Does not group validation and support lead to an experience of true self worth?
The error here is in equating any feeling of safety or comfort with self esteem.
Comformity is not self-efficacy. Popularity is not self-respect.
Whatever its gratification, a sense of belonging is not equal to trust in my mind or confidence in my ability to master the challenges of life. The fact that others esteem me is no gaurentee that I will esteem myself.
If I live a life of unthinking routine, with no challenges or crisis I may be able to evade for a while the fact that what I posses is not self-esteem, but psuedo self-esteem. When everything is alright, everything is alright. But that is not how we determine the presence of self-esteem.
Genuine self-esteem is what we feel about ourselves when everything is not alright. When we are challenged by the unexpected. When the cocoon of the group can no longer insulate us from the tasks and risks of life.
At such moments our deepest premises reveal themselves.” – Nathaniel Branden
Finding your place in a group is not the same as finding yourself.
When you start pursuing self-esteem, there is usually a transition period in your social circle. You transition from your friends of circumstance to friends who you relate to on a values level. Ideally, you find friends that inspire you, and that you admire.
When you find yourself amongst this great group of peers, it can be tempting to let your independence go. You want to let your guard down. You tell yourself that these amazing people, who are more knowledgeable about so many topics must have the right answers. But you start down a slippery slope when you defer to your group over yourself.
No matter how exceptional the group you find yourself in, remember “Conformity is not self-efficacy. Popularity is not self-respect. Whatever its gratification a sense of belonging is not equal to trust in my mind or confidence in my ability to master the challenges of life.”
No matter how exceptional the group, remember that when you lose yourself to a group, you lose yourself.
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