Needs Glasses

Everything everyone does is motivated by an attempt to meet a personal need.

When someone tears you down, it is not about you.

When someone builds you up, it is not about you.

When someone ignores you, it is not about you.

The people in your social circle don’t revolve around you, your coworker’s lives don’t revolve around you, your neighbour’s actions don’t revolve around you.

Everyone is trying to meet their own needs. Some are using good strategies; some aren’t.

Heroin is a not an effective strategy for handling pain.

Trolling is not an effective strategy for building self-esteem.

But when you run into someone with an ineffective strategy, you can take insult, or you can choose to put on your need glasses. You can look beyond the surface level and understand that this person is trying to meet a need.

You can respond with curiosity, rather than defensiveness. And eventually, you can respond with empathy. You can understand that what you perceive as an attack against you, is not about you at all. And you can turn a situation from a lose-lose into a win-win.