Most opinion-seeking is driven by self-deception.
The first case is the desire to avoid taking responsibility.
When we encounter a problem that has an uncertain outcome, there is a risk of failure. We likely have an opinion on what is right but if you do what you think is right, and it turns out wrong, you will have to fully face the consequences of the decision yourself. If you’ve asked for other opinions, you can always pretend (to yourself and others) that you didn’t know any better. You can always evade your wrongness because an authority figure shared it with you.
The second case is about faking reality. When you believe something is true, but you wish it wasn’t, you look to an authority figure to help you hide from the truth.
Lots of people do this as a way to deal with their own insecurities at work. If you have a manager that tells you that you are doing well, it can provide a feeling of relief, even if you don’t feel great about your own work. This will help you feel good for a moment, but it can never be more than a band-aid. Long-term satisfaction with your work only comes when you are living up to your own expectations, not substituting them for the lower expectations of others.
Both types of opinion-asking are bred in us after years of being the subjects of authority at home, at school, and at work. We’ve trained opinion asking to an automatic response. The only way to create a sustainable sense of contentment with your life and work is to train yourself to notice the instinct, to pause and consider the source, and to face that hard truth about why you want to ask for an opinion. It may people that you actually need someone else’s input, but it is more likely that it is an attempt at self-deception.
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