Meeting Yourself Where You Are

Sometimes you wake up in the morning and don’t feel like doing the things you’ve committed yourself to do.

We use this in our language a lot “I don’t feel like working out today” “I don’t want to work today” but we can get lost in that language, creating a world where we view ourselves as disempowered—forced to do things we don’t want to do.

The mirror of the disempowered “I don’t feel like…” is the “fuck your feelings” bro culture.

Our emotions have value and often point us in the right direction. Cutting them off, ignoring them, or evading them will lead to ruin in the long term.

The balance is found in accepting, but not feeling compelled or particularly attached to our emotions.

There is a great quote about self-acceptance from Nathaniel Brandon about waking up and not feeling like going to work:

“Self-acceptance entails our willingness to experience-that is, to make real to ourselves, without denial or evasion-that we think what we think, feel what we feel, desire what we desire, have done what we have done, and are what we are. It is . the refusal to regard any part of ourselves-our bodies, our emotions, our thoughts, our actions, our dreams-as alien, as “not me.” It is our willingness to experience rather than to disown whatever may be the facts of our being at a particular moment-to think our thoughts, own our feelings, be present to the reality of our behavior.”

“The willingness to experience and accept our feelings carries no implication that emotions are to have the last word on what we do. I may not be in the mood to work today; I can acknowledge my feelings, experience them, accept them-and then go to work. I will work with a clearer mind because I have not begun the day with self-deception. ”

“If I am thinking these disturbing thoughts, I am thinking them; I accept the full reality of my experience. If I am feeling pain or anger or fear or inconvenient lust, I am feeling it-what is true, is true-I do not rationalize, deny, or attempt to explain away. I am feeling what I am feeling and I accept the reality of my experience. If I have taken actions of which I am later ashamed, the fact remains that I have taken them that is reality-and I do not twist my brain to make facts disappear. I am willing to stand still in the presence of what I know to be true. What is, is.”

“To “accept” is more than simply to “acknowledge” or “admit.” It is to experience, stand in the presence of, contemplate the reality of, absorb. into my consciousness. I need to open myself to and fully experience unwanted emotions, not just perfunctorily recognize them. For example, suppose my wife asks me, “How are you feeling?” and I answer in a tense, distracted manner, “Rotten.” Then she says sympathetically, “I see that you are really feeling depressed today.” Then I sigh, the tension begins to flow out of my body, and in an altogether different (one of voice-the voice of someone who is now real to himself-I say, “Yes, I am feeling miserable, really miserable,” and then I begin to talk about what is bothering me. When, with my body tensed to resist the experience of my feelings, I had answered “Rotten,” I was denying my emotion at the same time that I was acknowledging it. My wife’s sympathetic response helped me to experience it, which cleared the way for me to begin to deal with it. Experiencing our feelings has direct healing power.”