What Does It Mean to Be an Adult

Once you are 18, in most countries in the world, you are no longer a minor. You can vote, you can go to war, you have the legal status of an adult. But today most 18-year-olds don’t feel like adults.

I recently read the book Iron John by Robert Bly. It’s a good read covering the transition from boyhood to manhood told through the Iron John story from the Grimms brothers.

One of the things Robert Bly covers is how a male coming-of-age ritual was almost universal in societies of the past. These rituals represented the change from boy to man and all the responsibility that came along with it.

Today, there are no such rituals. Many 21-year-olds still live at home, still duck responsibilities, and still don’t feel like adults. Going away to college is our best approximation at a coming-of-age ritual, but it takes four years and is more of an extended adolescence than something transformative, especially for men.

After college, most graduates still feel the discomfort of being a soft kid in a hard adult world.

We live in a time where external forces are not going to make you feel like an adult. Instead, it is a decision you have to make for yourself. And it is worth deciding because adulthood is inevitable.

You can jump in when you are 18 or you can fall in as your life breaks apart at 40.

The first thing to know about deciding to be an adult is that it takes a while before you will feel like an adult. Like all important things in life, the work begins with courage. You have to act before you feel comfortable and confident.

The next thing to know about being an adult is that you have to start providing for yourself.

An adult can live with his parents, but only if he’s left home before and pays his own way.

An adult can receive a gift from his parents, but only if he’s capable of providing for himself.

An adult can go out and have fun with friends, but only if he’s taken care of what he’s responsible for first

An adult doesn’t let his parents make life easier for him. He recognizes that he is soft and that the only way to learn and grow will be to deal with the hard and uncomfortable circumstances that life throws his way.

What does it mean to be an adult? It means to take full responsibility for your life. Even if that means snatching that responsibility from your parents who are well-meaning but are keeping you in a state of prolonged childhood.