How many of the things that you do on a daily master would you say you’ve mastered? Do you feel that in the most important aspects of your life, you are getting better? Or are you stuck?
Mastery is an elusive thing for most people. It is something that exists on the TV or a stage somewhere. Not something that is accessible to you. Mastery is something that athletes and artists pursue, but not something that you could achieve in the roles that define your life.
For most people, good enough is the unstated aim. They figure out what they need to learn to avoid pain and go no further. Life hits a plateau. At work, at home, and out in the world, progress is defeated by comfort.
But what if mastery wasn’t only possible on a court, stage, or field? What if you could master the roles that define your life? Becoming a great father, a better husband, and great at the skills defining your work.
The first thing to overcome is a fixed mindset.
In her book Mindset, Carol Dweck talks about the dichotomy between a fixed and a growth mindset. The fixed mindset views skills as talents or inherent traits. It sounds like “I’m not good at math” “I’m not athletic” and “I’ve always been shy”. The fixed mindset is not only about things you’re not good at but also attributes your skills and successes to inherent traits. “I’ve always been a good writer” “I’m good at sports”.
Activities, and skills, like parenting, being in a relationship, and the subtle skills that limit your progress at work are often the things we ignore even the possibility that we could get better at them.
The fixed mindset is closely connected to a fear of judgment. It places our results outside of our voluntary control.
When you fail to take advantage of a good networking opportunity, it is more comfortable to dismiss it as a result of being an introvert, instead of looking critically at your social skills. But to get better at anything you have to be able to view your skills through an objective lens. You need to identify the areas you can improve and go about improving them without beating yourself up so badly that you’re unmotivated.
To get better at anything, you need to have a plan for what you want to improve and a process of dedicated practice that allows you to improve it. That makes sense to most people if they are learning a language or starting a new sport. But even in things like language learning, you will see people get to a level of proficiency and then stop being intentional about getting better. Why does that happen?
The ultimate reason we don’t achieve mastery in life is because we don’t want to pay the price.
To achieve a high level of skill in one thing means giving up other things. If you want to be a great father, that will likely mean making sacrifices at work and in your social life. Instead of consciously making those sacrifices, it is easier to not think about it at all. To do just what we must in each area of life instead of clearly sorting out our priorities and focusing on the most important things.
There are many skills that it simply doesn’t make sense to master. Maybe you are learning Spanish so you can communicate on your next vacation. It would be irresponsible to spend 20 hours a week and make sacrifices to your family life for that goal.
But there are some crucial skills, that directly impact the quality of our lives, that are worth mastering. The skills of fatherhood and the skills that are connected to the income you generate from your work for starters. Very few people actively work on those skills.
Nothing is stopping you from pursuing mastery of the skills that will define your life.
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